Friday 30 May 2008

Dear Agony Aunt

Dear Agony Aunt,

I think my husband has a serious problem and I need some advice on what to do. It all started a few years ago when he met someone at a race wearing a t-shirt from an event called The West Highland Way Race. It turned out that it was an event where people ran 95 miles in one go! I couldn't believe it when he said he wanted to take part. I thought it was a phase and it would pass. But it hasn't. The addiction has just got worse over the last 8 years. He spends a lot of time on the internet reading blogs and watching videos and even meets other people to share experiences. I think they just encourage each other.

I've also found strange items of clothing in our bedroom. He recently bought some Skins and frankly I think they're obscene. They leave nothing to the imagination. I've also noticed that some items keep going missing from the fridge and cupboards. He says he needs to eat chicken and potatoes and even baked beans for breakfast. I'm at my wits end.

Do I have grounds for unreasonable behaviour? Can he be cured? What should I do?

Yours

Running Widow



My dear Running Widow,

You have my deepest sympathies. This is a very serious addiction called Ultra Running and I'm afraid there is no cure. I'm sorry to be so blunt. There is an organisation called The WHW Family that gives excellent support to both runners and their families but once you are part of it there is no escape.

You have to embrace the lifestyle your partner has choosen. All your friends will be connected in some way to this event. You will find Outsiders do not understand and will judge you for standing by your man. You may even lose contact with some of them. Weekends and holidays will be arranged around races and training. If you want to see your partner you will have to be brave and go with him. Some Ultra Runners are lucky in that their partners know about their condition before they get married and so have a choice. But it sounds like you married a lardy bum who became addicted later on. That must be tough.

The food issue is very important to Ultra Runners. During an event, some are known to mix baked beans with chocolate milk, rice pudding and Jelly Babies. So eating chicken or potatoes at breakfast is quite mild.

You sound like a special person. Your husband needs love and support. He cannot do it without you. Make yourself invaluable to him and you will have a bargaining tool if he becomes unreasonable. Help him to choose races in places like New York or Zurich so you get something out of it too. It won't be easy but it can be rewarding in the long run.

Good luck with the future

Love

Agony Aunt

7 comments:

Debs M-C said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Debs M-C said...

Allybea you're fantastic!

I can barely walk today, so I'm on the verge of throwing myself of the Kingston Bridge.

Your blog has cheered me up no end. What a giggle. Thanks for the smiles.

xx

Marco Consani said...

Hee hee, Allybea that is a great post. Made me laugh loads.
Spare a thought though for Debbie and I. Both of us are into this game and I fear that the WHW is only the beginning. What are we going to be doing next year or even 5 years. John O'Groats to Landsend in 12 days. Oh no. Ian is lucky to have you and it's probably a good thing that one of you has their feet planted firmly on the ground.

See you soon... eek 3 weeks tomorrow.

Marco

Anonymous said...

Brilliant! Maybe you should actually set up an Agony Aunt section on the WHW website. You could provide advice and support for all those having similar problems with their partners!

Has The Runner gone as far as wearing his Skins in bed yet, or would that be grounds for divorce?

Keep smiling, this time 3 weeks from now there'll only be 12 hours or so to go! ...scary thought for me though!

John Kynaston said...

Dear Agony Aunt

What advice can you give to me to help me through the next three weeks? I won't be running as much as I'm tapering so what do you suggest I do to while away the time?

Thanks in anticiaption

The Pastor

Lorna King said...

Dear Running Widow

I hope you can take comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone in your affliction of being married to an ultra runner. I too suffer. I know only too well boredom in the eyes of dinner guests as yet another running tale unfolds, the hours spent spotting threadbare running socks, the embarrassment of discovering your loved one has travelled back home on the train in lycra, the pretence of being sympathetic to self-created injuries, of waiting in the rain at checkpoints ready to hand out another handful of jelly babies. And all in the knowledge that 'on the day' you won't have heated the soup enough, or packed the right type of food bars. But there is light at the end of the tunnel - in time you will master the subtle art of manipulation of the obsessed and you will find yourself enjoying bigger and better holidays, of enjoying retail therapy and having your own way on a regular basis. Remember, he needs a support person more than you need an ultra runner.

See you on the day


The long suffering wife of Ian King.

allybea said...

Lorna, you are my soul mate! LOL!

Ali x